That Time I Got Thrown Into Michael Jackson


It was 2002. I had survived Y2K (a thing I was convinced was going to end the world, for sure) and my mom, sister, uncle, and I decided to go to the Toys R Us in Times Square (yeah, the big one) this particular weekend.

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This was, of course, against our better judgement. We knew how busy it would be on a Sunday afternoon, but for some odd reason, we went anyway.


My 14 year old self and 11 year old sister decided to wander away from the adults in the packed Toys R Us because we saw the 20th anniversary section for E.T.


A movie to this day that I cannot sit through without crying.


As we’re looking through the E.T. toys a crowd surrounded us. A crowd that we began to feel was much too large to care this much about E.T.


A crowd we later realized was about to lose their shit.


Before we even knew what hit us, the crowd gathered in a tight group around us. One person grabbed my sister and threw her back in the crowd and I was thrown forward.

Just before I was going to be thrown through the person in front of me, I caught myself up on my toes. I looked up and there he was.


Michael Jackson circa 2002

I had no idea what the fuck was going on.


I screamed, ran back into the crowd, and found my mommy.


I kid you not, I felt like I had been the terrified Canadian kid in an episode of Goosebumps.

What the fuck was that thing I almost got thrown into?


is what my mother probably should have asked.

Instead she said:

“Oh my God, that was Michael Jackson!”


I am still traumatized to this day.

Michael Jackson was in Captain EO with Angelica Huston…

who was in The Darjeeling Limited with Jason Schwartzman…

who was in Bored To Death with Kevin Bacon.

I am 3 degrees from getting thrown into Kevin Bacon.


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